Wednesday, July 16, 2003

American Unilateralist; a Satirical Look


In our hunt for the perfect solution to what ales the world, the United States is slowly morphing into that which we fought so hard over the last fifty years, to slay; namely a unilateralist bully who seeks to dominate the world stage no matter the cost! In this new American awakening, where American policy, American values, and American power rein supreme, our allies have become a thorn the Bush Administration is gainfully trying to pull from its paw; but at what cost to the world at large, at what cost to peace and stability, at what cost to the American people?

My unending frustration over the issue, has given way to sardonic humor, the fruits of which I share below. I have taken passages from the opinion of Chief Justice Taney as written from the Supreme Court’s 1856 landmark case Dred Scott v. John Sanford. I have rewritten the passage to suit modern time in which we find ourselves, below each one of Justice Taney high biased, racially charged rantings. Please read and ingest it in the spirit in which is indented.

Main Body:

…[T]hey were at that time considered as a subordinate and inferior class of beings, who had been subjugated by the dominate race, and, whether emancipated or not, yet remained subject to their authority…from the opinion of Chief Justice Taney, United States Supreme Court in its ruling in Dred Scott v. John Sanford, 1856.

The United States its shores pristine; its people affluent; its economy robust and still the largest upon the Earth—despite the recent downturns in trade and industry; its military second to none and able to project our will upon ocean blue, the land it touches, and the air above, sees no need to wash its policies in the tub of world opinion.

…[T]hey had been for more then a century before been regulated as being of an inferior order, and altogether unfit to associate with the White race, either social or political relations; and so far inferior that they had no rights which the white man was bound to respect… from the opinion of Chief Justice Taney, United States Supreme Court in its ruling in Dred Scott v. John Sanford, 1856.

The rest of the world has no peoples, no laws, no treaties, or other articles of civilized governance the United States of America is bound to respect, or give the slightest consideration to. Indeed, our power, vast and unending, derived in whole from our overwhelming dominance both in the economic and military realms of human existence, guarantees us a higher perch from which to look upon the Earth and her hapless multitudes of people. We need not the burden of cooperation and compromise that flows from the substandard conventions of international treaties governing Civil Rights, Children’s Rights, Global Warming, Nuclear Proliferation, Women’s Rights & Suffrage, Chemical Weapons, Small Arms & Landmine Proliferation, etc., etc., etc. Fortress America will protect us from such petty evils and trivial concerns (except for the occasional airliner bomb) that man can think to devise.

And we need not the woefully inadequate and substandard pleadings of international laws and criminal courts, for the American citizen is a breed apart from the rest, and should be subject only to American laws, and American standards of justice, no matter his wanderings throughout the world, or the seriousness of his crimes against man or nature. Surely the world can see that the American Constitution and therefore by extension, American law and jurisprudence should be supreme in and among the worlds peoples and their varying ineffectual institutions.

And what would become of the American economic miracle if the American corporate Demi-Gods were forced to forgo their never ending quest for profit in the name of human preservation, goodwill, ethics, empathy for all living things, principles and heaven forbid, morals? Surely the world must see that what is good for America is good for the world at large? Has not the world built its standard of living off the very backs of the American worker and consumer? Are not American work ethics and American productivity the envy of the world?

…[T]hat a perpetual and impassable barrier was intended to be erected between the white race and the one which they reduced to slavery, and governed as subjects with absolute and despotic power, and which they then looked upon as far below then in scale of created beings, that intermarriages between white persons and Negroes or mulattoes were regarded a unnatural and immoral, and punished as crimes… from the opinion of Chief Justice Taney, United States Supreme Court in its ruling in Dred Scott v. John Sanford, 1856.

But alas, if the world with its petty concerns, puny economy’s, feeble militaries, and second world (most often third and fourth world), populace cannot see the shinning city upon the mountaintop that is America and give its peoples their due as citizens of the first order, then America will be forced—albeit with profound reluctance and with the heaviest of hearts—to turn its magnificent glowing eyes way from the rest of the world. Alone we shall forge our path of capitalist democracy, a path that will lead to our greatest glory yet. This, while the rest of the world plunges further still into a unity of ethical puritanical thought that ignores the beauty and sublime saneness of the thoughtless pursuit of profit at any cost. And in so doing the world ignores the promise of “Pax America!”

We need the world not, for we are supreme, we are the epitome of self-serving unapologetic arrogance. We rule, we rock, and the rest of the world can in no uncertain terms snuggle close to our collective American bum and grace its grandness, its glory, its undisputed dominance (though China would love to try and unseat us, and Russia longs to be able to muster the intellectual capital to affect another stab a glory), with a multitude of wet kisses!

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